Now THIS is how you have an affair!

I know this is a far cry from my last post, but since it is the "Hot Topic" in the news reel today, I must put in my two cents.

When you think of political sex scandals, you typically dry heave in your mouth and try to think of happy thoughts. They are typically conducted by an unattractive, womanizing, yet awkward politician who typically has to pay for favors (Spitzer), use his extreme power or 'charm' (Clinton), swing the other way (Greevy), or tap his feet (Craig). Those stories are a thing of the past! We have the 7 new guidelines on "How to have an affair: Politician Edition", written by South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford, and Foreward written by former President Bill Clinton.

1. Go international! Forget the days of sleazy interns, New York City call girls, or underage congressional pages! Make it a destination affair, it will be all the more enjoyable and relaxing.


2. Instead of explicit texts or phone calls, take notes from Danielle Steele, and make your e-mails masterpiece literature. Instead of your affair infuriating the stay-at-home mom voting population, they will secretly wish you were their Fabio and taking them somewhere south of the border! (Read a selection of his e-mails HERE).


3. No need for an elaborate excuse to make your escape, just tell everyone you have gone hiking…or grocery shopping…or walking your dog. It will only make your actual story all the more glamorous when you get home and tell them what you’ve really been doing!


4. Immediately flaunt your newly acquired Argentine sun tan at press conference.


5. Have the hanky ready, to wipe your tearful indiscretions away, and ask for forgiveness.


6. Don’t share camera time with your bitter and miserable wife. Her facial expressions will always discredit your words.


7. Don’t resign from everything. Start small, then find some middle ground with your angry constituents. It is the art of political bargaining.

If you follow these guidelines, you will not only get your wife to be willing to "resurrect your marriage", but also romance your female (and some male) constituency with your story-book affair.