ACORN Employment Application

1. Name:

2. Age:

3. Circle Political Party Affiliation

a. Democrat

4. Circle applicable work experience

a. Receptionist/Secretary

b. Telemarketor

c. Grave digger

d. Illegal immigrant transporter

e. Pimp

f. Accountant

g. Loan officer for Fannie/Freddie

5. Please check any of the following that would make you uncomfortable (if left blank, continue with application. If any are checked, discontinue application).

a. Spending your Saturday on a protesting bus tour of major corporations executives' homes.

b. Voter fraud

c. Breaking and entering

d. Smuggling underage El Salvadorian girls

e. Advising pimps on instituting prostitution ring

f. Legal counsel for "self-defense" murder

6. How do you accept payment:

a. Cash

b. Automatic deposit

c. A pack of cigs

d. Liquor

e. Dimes

f. ProstitutePal

This seems to be the only plausible application for ACORN considering all of the "isolated incidents". Either they have the most ridiculous hiring practices (as seen above!) or there is something more to their organization. I would like to believe the former, but with the mounting evidence to the contrary is making it seem unlikely.